Rather Do This
by entwinedloop
Summary: If he doesn't do it now, he's not sure if he'll get the chance again. Brian joins Pam at the beach after her chat with Jim. 3.22/3.23. One shot.


The film crew's lights were putting to shame the moon's brightness but thankfully they were pointing away from them. Water brushed softly against the sand while dragonflies helicoptered through. Brian and Pam's laughter thundered in the quiet corner of the beach away from Dunder Mifflin staff and filming crew.

Brian couldn't resist approaching her after Jim left and she continued gazing into the horizon over the rippling water. Pam had done a double take when she saw him coming closer but returned to her hypnotized stare over the water. She probably didn't think he'd stop beside her, he thought. He peeked into her face and said "Hi."

"Hi." She said and silence followed.

"I can grab the boom mic if you've got an encore." He said with a hint of a smile on his face.

She laughed like she now understood why he approached her. She hadn't acted like herself just twenty minutes ago. He probably wanted to make sure she hadn't lost her mind.

"No, no." She looked behind him to see if a camera trailed behind him. "I've done all my confessions for the night."

"I'm kidding. I just wanted to make sure you're OK." He still had his headphones around his neck though filming crew was taking a break, a habit he picked up while filming the show. He moved them slightly so they wouldn't nudge at his skin.

"Oh yeah." She gazed at the horizon. "I feel better than I have all week." She nodded and smiled at him. "Than I have in a long time." Relief washed off her face. Adrenaline still rushed through her veins from her impromptu speech and the risk of putting herself in the center of attention. Speaking her mind so honestly and in front of witnesses. And then Jim sought her out. Maybe that meant something. She felt like if she jumped at this moment she wouldn't come back down.

"If you were going to swim to cool yourself off," Brian looked at her feet submerged under water, "We can get a new competition going."

"No, no more competitions." She adjusted her swimsuit straps. "We probably have to get on the bus pretty soon."

"It might actually take a while." Brian pointed with his thumb behind him. "If we're talking competitions, Michael and Dwight are doing a last man standing hand stand." He shook his head. "Shower hair caps and blindfolds involved," he added as if sharing a secret.

"Anything to avoid that coal walk." Pam's back stood straighter with pride. No Michael concocted competition surprised her. She was just grateful not to have to take notes.

Brian stood beside her, his hands at his sides, before thinking that a little too long had passed without him saying anything. He didn't feel he needed to speak. Scranton staff weren't his friends, even if he'd have a little more interaction with a few than he should. He'd spent so long standing beside them, beside Pam, in quiet moments that it didn't feel uncomfortable. Still he should say something, right? Better yet leave, since he got an answer to his question and Pam seemed fine.

"Mind if I join you for a minute?" Brian motioned with his head at the water.

"Hey, I thought you're not supposed to talk with us." Pam whispered, echoing his thoughts. She leaned towards him. "Of course you can. No rules tonight, right?"

He took off his socks and shoes quickly and rolled his pants up, trying not to pay too much attention to how much he enjoyed hearing her speak softly to him. The water tickled his feet and the coldness made him catch his breathe in surprise.

"Chilly." He said.

"It feels fine to me." She said in a chipper voice and moved her feet in the water, drawing waves. "Guess I needed to cool off." Pam rolled her eyes dramatically. But she put her arms around her body and he resisted pulling her to him by her shoulder.

"Go on. I put on a good show earlier, didn't I?" She asked, wanting to break the quiet and near tension she felt between them. "All I needed was for you to play guitar to set the mood."

"You didn't. You were honest. I loved it." He met her eyes and she held his before looking away. "This is going to be the best episode yet."

She laughed. He had seen her navigate a long term relationship and as he got to know her better he wanted more for her. Not necessarily for her to break up with Roy, not if dating him actually made her happy. But do something just for herself. He couldn't get to know her like a regular person but between brief conversations and observing her with colleagues and an ex-fiancé he'd learned who she was in a way that left him curious to know more. He observed her answering hundreds of calls and welcome visitors to Dunder Mifflin. Always professional but with a hint of of resignation, like a part of her had given up.

When Jan told Pam about an opportunity to pursue her interest in art he had tried to encourage her to snatch it. He couldn't do it as openly as Jim did and certainly not on camera. He discretely left a note on her desk during lunch break and later she made eye contact with him while talking with Kevin and immediately he knew, with a little giddiness, that she had figured it out. He couldn't get that look out of his mind the next few days. He still remembered Pam's crestfallen face when Roy insisted she couldn't pursue it. He had tried again to put in an encouraging word but her mind was set.

That spirit he saw in Pam's curiosity to pursue her ambition, at the work she presented at her first gallery show, some more of it he saw tonight. It hurt to fight it. That though she was a subject he couldn't help feel tenderness towards her. But it was still early. He could still quell it. He had started seeing someone, and while it was too soon to tell, it had some potential. Not only because some of Alyssa's qualities that reminded him of Pam. It didn't hurt.

Pam glanced up at him. "It was the right time. Maybe not for anyone else, but for me."

"I loved your show." He said softly.

"It was all right."

Forever modest, this woman, he thought.

"No, you're very talented." He almost bit his lip, feeling like a teenager. He wanted badly to touch her face, wanted to pull her to him and hold both her hands and confess.

"I think you should know, that if the situation was different," He turned his body to hers, not taking his eyes off her as her eyebrows furrowed. "I'd probably not do this."

"Do what?"

He had already drawn closer to her as she spoke and in seconds he locked his lips on hers. He only heard the water sway underneath them and echoes of cheering behind them. She turned her body to him and opened her mouth. He wasn't sure if it was from surprise but he coaxed her to move her lips with him, tried to toe a balance between holding back but giving the kiss all he had been carrying with him. Only their lips touched before his hands finally joined, threading through her hair, pulling her closer. If he was going to break the rules he might as well go for broke.

She kissed him back. He accepted it and didn't let it make him lose focus. Until he touched her he didn't realize how long he had waited for it. How long he wanted to be this close to her. For a start.

He heard a distant splash of water and for a moment wandered what else inhabited the water outside apart from them. Cheering shouts faded.

"Brian?" She asked quietly as she backed away but still stood a short distance from him. He exhaled and searched for anger in her face and didn't find it. Her features were slack and her eyes wide in surprise. Still, tension met between his shoulders. He didn't do this. He didn't interfere like this. He didn't regret it.

"I'm sorry." He said because it warranted that response. "But I'm not. You needed… I needed to tell you. I want more."

She sucked in a breathe in response. "I don't... I like Jim," She said and he appreciated that at least she didn't look at him with pity. "What about- your job?"

"I'm a freelancer. I always keep options open. This isn't a reliable business." His hands burned to touch her hair again but instead he took her in, knowing how rare he may do it again.

"I heard what you said to Jim." He rubbed his cheek. "Earlier and I know you two just talked. He's- he'll be an idiot not to do what we all know he's going to-" He could barely hold her gaze as her face light up at this. He needed to get her back to him. He leaned closer.

"It's maybe not the right moment but I wanted you to know you had another choice. You have another choice. Maybe not something you expected but-" It wouldn't be the first time, he thought. "But my feelings are real too."

She took his hands in hers and he let her, not minding that she was trying to comfort him. He may want her to be happy, but if he was selfishly honest with himself, that wasn't enough. He wanted her happy with him.

She stepped nearer now, raised herself on her tip toes and kissed him. It was an exploratory kiss and he let her set the slower pace, leaving her hands to explore his face, feeling her hands caresse his cheeks. His hands traveled up her arms and under the back of her head as he lowered his so she wouldn't have to struggle to stand tall. The kiss deepened. He thought of a Disney movie his nephew had made him watch and he nearly wanted to laugh.

"Wow." She said as she again stepped back. Just from a short kiss her cheeks felt scratched by his stubble. She didn't mind it as much as she thought it would. She minded more that it left her curious.

He tried to keep a smug expression from his face know that wouldn't win her over. Not when he hopefully had set some doubt in her.

He imagined that what led to her confession tonight led to him to find her. He hadn't necessarily planned to confess when he sought her out. But he had a daunting sense that walls were closing in. The entire group was stunned when Pam stopped speaking. Brian rarely saw the group silenced to the point not one member spoke for a few minutes. He looked for Jim in the audience, saw something in his face, and it clicked. He had run out of time. The part of him that enjoyed his job, that knew work crush happened, that time would put dust on his feelings, all but faded as his veins seared with conviction that she needed to know. He needed to know if she'd look at him differently. How she'd respond.

He beat her to what she was going to say because he saw it in her face.

"I know, you like Jim." He stepped out of the water, deciding to forgo his socks and went for his shoes.

"Brian." She started taking a step towards him.

"Guys need to stop doing this to you, huh? Surprising you with how they feel." He deflected as he put on his second shoe and grabbed his socks.

"It wasn't a surprise." She said and he thought he meant Jim. Only later did he wonder if she suspected he had feelings for her as well. "I don't want to lie to you."

"You're not. I don't regret kissing you. And you kissing me. I won't tell anyone. It's our secret." He said this sincerely but couldn't keep his tone from taking a sensuous turn.

He turned and walked back to the camp. Asking him about his job. Of course she'd ask about it. He had already looked. In this business it was always good to have back ups. He had connections and with a new reality TV show starting he had a potential gig around the corner.

One of his socks fell to the ground and he bent down to pick it up, sneaking a last look at her. She turned her face the moment she saw him. He didn't want that to give him hope. He wasn't ignorant of what built up to tonight for her and Jim. If he needed to bury his feelings and move on he'd be able to do that. He could even pretend it never happened. But he'd rather not. And what it felt like to kiss her, and at the thought he touched his lips, there'd be no universe he'd want to take that back.

* * *

A/N

The story was sitting in my mind and asked to be typed up. I always rooted for Jim/Pam fan but I loved Pam's chemistry with Brian. If Jim and Pam hadn't gotten together I would've liked to have seen them give it a go.

10/13/2018 - edited for flow and vocabulary.


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